Consulting Tip #12: Never Insult the Client

Respect is part of the deliverable

Nov 05, 2025

I’ve been in consulting long enough to have seen (and occasionally said) a few things that, in hindsight, could have been phrased more diplomatically.

Over the years, I’ve heard even the most experienced consultants—people I deeply respect—speak a bit too bluntly about a client organization or a particular person. Likely it wasn’t meant to offend. But it still did.

That’s the thing about consulting: words travel fast, tone carries weight, and even small comments can echo longer than you think.

Most consultants would never deliberately insult a client. Yet it happens more often than you’d expect—usually not through arrogance, but through phrasing, misplaced humor, or forgetting how your words land on the other side of the table.

Why It Matters

Consulting is built on trust, and trust doesn’t survive disrespect. Clients remember how you made them feel far longer than they remember your clever insights or polished decks.

And that’s the paradox: you can challenge a client’s thinking and still leave them feeling respected. That’s the sweet spot of true influence.

Two Ways Consultants Accidentally Cross the Line

1. Insulting people—directly or indirectly

It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it. Comments that sound neutral to you (“This process is outdated,” “That approach doesn’t make sense,” “Who on earth designed this?”) can sound deeply personal to someone who built or owns that process or application.

Rule of thumb: Critique the work, not the worker. Focus on applications, decisions, or outcomes—not individuals. And stay out of the client’s internal politics.

2. Mocking the organization itself

It might feel harmless to joke about bureaucracy, old systems, or corporate politics. But remember: it’s their organization. They live it every day. Even if they complain about it internally, hearing it from an outsider hits differently.

And never, ever reference negative media coverage—no matter how public it is.
Saying, “I saw that news story about your company…” might seem conversational, but it rarely lands well. You don’t know how people inside experienced that event, or who was personally affected by it. And they probably have heard enough about it already.

Rule of thumb: You can observe challenges respectfully—just don’t ridicule them.
And if the client has been in the headlines, act as if you haven’t read the comments section.

How to Stay Honest Without Being Harsh

Consultants are paid to tell the truth—even when it’s uncomfortable. But how you deliver that truth determines whether people listen or shut down. The goal isn’t to sugarcoat reality; it’s to make honesty land in a way that moves things forward, not backward.

✅ Be polite. Politeness isn’t weakness, it’s professionalism. Thank people for their input, even when you disagree. Avoid sighs, eye-rolls, or frustrated tones. They communicate more than words. You can be honest and kind at the same time.

✅ Ask before you judge. “Can you walk me through how this came to be?” shows curiosity. “Why on earth would anyone do that?” shows contempt. Assume there’s a reason before assuming there’s incompetence. You’ll learn more, and earn more trust.

✅ Show respect for effort. Even flawed solutions were someone’s best idea at the time, given the constraints they had. Acknowledge that before you suggest change: “This clearly took a lot of work. Here’s how we could build on it.”

✅ Use “we,” not “you.” “We could try a different approach” feels collaborative.
“You need to fix this” feels accusatory. Pronouns can make the difference between partnership and blame.

✅ Don’t perform superiority. Consultants sometimes fall into the trap of “enlightening” the client. But smart consultants don’t make others feel small to prove their expertise. They help clients see a better path, and feel capable of walking it.

✅ Keep jokes kind. Humor is risky in consulting because context is everything. A quick comment meant to lighten the mood can easily misfire if tone or timing is off. When in doubt, make yourself the punchline, not the client. Self-deprecation builds warmth; sarcasm builds walls.

✅ Use facts, not friction. If you need to challenge someone’s idea, anchor your feedback in data, logic, or principles—not emotion. “This design doesn’t scale under these load conditions” is professional. “This design makes no sense” is personal.

✅ Know when silence helps. Sometimes the most diplomatic move is to pause. Not every wrong idea needs to be corrected in real time, and not every truth needs to be said aloud. If a comment doesn’t add value or might be misunderstood, leave it unsaid. In consulting, timing and tone often matter more than being right.

✅ Rehearse feedback for impact. If a point is sensitive, test your phrasing with a trusted colleague first. “How does this sound?” is a small question that can prevent a big misunderstanding.